Sex shops are leaving dark back alleys for the main byways of shopping areas. Nicely designed and user friendly, they are driven by the younger generations who are at ease discussing sex openly.
It was neither Paris nor London but Amsterdam that left the strongest impression on me during my backpacking tour of Europe in 1995. In school, I had learned that the Netherlands was a country of tulips and windmills, and that’s what I had expected. But huge dildos hanging from the ceiling and porn magazines caught my eye near Amsterdam Central Station.
I’d never imagined that I would see sex toys displayed so blatantly. And that was only the beginning. Walking along Amsterdam’s canals, I encountered blondes wearing heavy makeup, long eyelashes and stiletto heels. Coming closer, I saw they were brawny men. At the time, I was so shocked that I considered the city an inferno out of Dante’s “Divine Comedy” and decided never to visit it again.
Today, if I change my mind about this paraphernalia, I don’t need to go all the way to Europe. There’s a sex shop on the second floor of a building near my studio. Seen from the outside, it could be mistaken for a cosmetics boutique or even a grocery store. And it isn’t unique at all. There are sex shops near Hongik University subway station, which has the most pedestrian traffic in Seoul, as well as in upscale areas near Gangnam subway station and in the Garosugil neighborhood south of the Han River.My curiosity piqued, I surveyed some young people in their 20s who work for a broadcasting program that I host. One said young adults’ attitude toward sexual matters is “very liberal” and described how both men and women alike use social media to display pictures of their body and of themselves hugging and kissing their partners. Posting images of one’s butt is the latest craze to attract attention, the staffer said.
The can’t-miss exterior of asex shop beckons shoppers at theentrance of Yeonnam-dong, Seoul.Its location and appearance sharplydiffer from older sex shops hiddendown alleyways with their curtainsdrawn.
Hands-On Experiences
Abundant videos featuring the interior of sex shops can be found online, a substitute for on-site visits. But I wanted to see all of this in person.
I found that IDs are checked when entering and surveillance cameras are set up to prevent sex-related offenses. Otherwise, there’s a conscious effort to remove any unease and toa shopping experience comparable to that of any other retail store.
Most sex shops have themed showrooms for hands-on experiences, like Do-It-Yourself stores. Some also have a photo zone for customers who want to take selfies and post pictures of themselves with comments about their purchases.
This shop resembles a cosmeticsshop as goods of a wide variety areon neat display under bright ambientlighting.
I went to a four-story sex shop that looked like it could be a furniture outlet’s twin. There I glimpsed a delightful side of the younger generation who are looking forward to an imaginative sex life. This means that in our society, quite a new space has been d in which a vivacious attitude has replaced the notion that sex is lewd. It’s certainly healthy for young couples to explore this space, discussing their sexual preferences with their partners and checking out sex toys for themselves.
Holding a dildo like a microphone, a curator joined sales clerks in explaining products.
Curator: “This fragrant candle melts at a low temperature, at about 40 degrees Celsius, so it’s not too hot. You can rub your partner’s body with drops of wax.”
Customer: “Oh my goodness! Won’t the wax harden on your body, though?”
Curator: “Many customers enjoy it inwardly. It’s a popular product.”
The curator also explained condoms: Asia produces many super-thin condom brands. Polyurethane condoms, invented to remedy the shortcomings of latex versions, are safe and can help increase your sexual pleasure. Never have sex without a condom.
Among the other products, I was surprised to see that customers could test out all kinds of gels and then wash up with a cleanser. I also hadn’t anticipated finding organic condoms free of any preservatives like parabens, or organic gels made from natural ingredients.Whips, handcuffs and skimpy outfits hanging in the corner in dim lights looked interesting, far less bizarre than I had expected. One tool for playful hitting was designed to leave a love mark. Many couples giggled and shouted, “It’s a real heart shape!” after tapping their partner’s arm or leg.
On social media, there’s a large volume of customer comments about these sex shops and their products. The sites also sell a variety of adult board games which are played using cards and pairs of dice. Curiously enough, these bawdy game kits glow in the dark. Just turn off the lights and play.
Young customers view goods in a franchise sex shop inSinchon, Seoul. Unlike in the past when most customersarrived alone and bought goods sheepishly, these daysyoung couples and friends visit sex shops for fun and buygoods without hesitation after trying samples.
Overestimates, Or Lies
In their 2007 book, “Schattenliebe: Nie mehr Zweite(r) sein” (“Love of Shadows: Never Be Second Again,” or simply, “The Psychology of Adultery”), Austrian psychologists Gerti Senger and Walter Hoffmann point out that though many people don’t want to admit it, browsing online sex sites is like roaming about one’s subconscious. While people might be otherwise unaware, the internet exposes what motivates their life.
It’s true, isn’t it? While sex shops have come out of the shadows, sex sites have largely stayed below the surface. What one shows off publicly with vivacity or hides and covers up as lewd is deeply related to the subconscious, which means that all that is seen is not necessarily true.
For instance, married couples seem to exaggerate their physical relationship, including the frequency with which they have sex. Trends in Google data suggest that the most common complaint about married life is a lack of sex. “Sexless marriage” is searched for 3.5 times more frequently than “unhappy marriage” and eight times more frequently than “loveless marriage.”
In his book “Everybody Lies: Big Data, New Data, and What the Internet Can Tell Us About Who We Really Are” (2018), Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, a world-famous American data scientist, says that we tend to overstate how often we have sex. This notwithstanding, younger generations prefer to get out of the bed to enter the world of social media, where they can post sexy images and video clips. This is perhaps because they have a different attitude towards privacy than older generations.
Who knows whetherpheromone perfumes orserotonin pills will becomeessential items to be carriedin a makeup pouch?
Into the Future
Designed like fancy goods, many sex products ared in collaboration with typography artists orcharacter designers to attract customers as collectibles.
A few years ago, I was having dinner with several young people when the topic turned to Brazilian waxes. They told me that this trend was sparked by the younger generation’s sexual propensity. One participant, who had lived overseas for a long time, said that not a few Americans and Europeans believe that it’s polite for both men and women to remove body hair. It seems that we’re living in a new world with a new perception of cleanliness. If you feel as if you’re naked when you go out without a pedicure in the summer, you’ve experienced a similar legacy of civilization.
There’s widespread speculation that should virtual reality become popularized, money will be funneled into the porn industry. This could also happen in Korea, where an uproar erupted last June in response to the Supreme Court’s decision to allow sex dolls to be imported.
It isn’t easy to predict what the future of sex will look like. Who knows whether pheromone perfumes or serotonin pills will become essential items to be carried in a makeup pouch? The day will probably come when middle-aged couples can go to the drugstore and easily buy prescribed kisspeptin brain hormone, much of which is normally produced during puberty when the human desire for sex peaks.Since the period of Greek and Roman myth, wine has been regarded as an elixir of love. In 1998, Viagra replaced wine as the elixir for many impotent men, liberating them from sexual frustration and anxiety. Deductively speaking, what comes next could be the development of “mental” or “cerebral” Viagra. Of course, in today’s world where predictions can hardly keep pace with the times, this might not come to pass. But then again, it could. After all, I’d been firmly resolved not to visit Amsterdam again. But I’ve been there several times since, and have fallen in love each time.
Baek Young-okNovelist
Heo Dong-wukPhotographer
한국국제교류재단
